Your handwriting. The way you walk. Which china pattern you choose. It's all giving you away. Everything you do shows your hand. Everything is a self-portrait. Everything is a diary.
-Chuck Pahlaniuk Diary:A Novel

Monday, April 13, 2009

Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong

We're taking a break from the music posting. A friend of mine posted this on FB and I found it totally hilarious and totally true. (Its quite sarcastic if you don't catch on quickly)

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

I will still never understand why a lot of the same people who say we need a smaller government and our government shouldn't tell us what to do are the same folks who say our government should tell us who we can and can't marry. Things are finally changing in this regard for the better (see Iowa, Vermont).

More music soon!!!


Special K said...

I'm totally gay for Iowa.

KHM said...

You know this resonates deeply with me.

For those who haven't seen Milk, there's a great line where a gay rights advocate says something like "If the sexuality of a teacher influences that of the student then the world should surely have many more nuns than we do..." Love it.

Carrie said...

I loved that line in Milk, and I love this post. Funny and true.

KHM said...

I wish it WERE true that hanging out with tall people makes other people tall. That way I wouldn't be so round...

Today I scanned a People Magazine in my doctor's waiting room...there was a story about a lesbian couple of 23 years and one of them is about to be deported despite their marriage certificate (California) and the two children they conceived together. It raised the question of trans-gendering--- if the woman who is at risk of deportation were to have a sex change operation, would their marriage hold up for immigration purposes?